why are girl nowdays so realistic?
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girls realistic? maybe guys are still dreaming
anyway, it's a good thing for you that she said that, be it out of jest or not..
at least you know that you look at material possesion differently. if you cannot accept the differences, then better to keep things between the two of you as friends. -
the couple of gal frens that tell me that really mean it lor... and till this day one of them still looking for suitable guy... she got some ex-bfs who were really decent good guys but in the end din work out cos she thinks they dun earn enough to support her... stoopid...Originally posted by Inzaghi:hmm..i also heared those b4..but i think most of them just kidding lar..if she really has this kinda intention, really a whimp!!....
n if only wanna do tat, den y study so hard in the 1st place?...
y study so hard?? cos family got money and wants daughter to be degree holder lor... -
Originally posted by KittynMeow:heh... not really yester years lah... cos I got gal frens who can tell me, "aiyah..i want to marry a rich guy then I dun have to work liow... work so hard for wat?.." kind of statements....
and i would be thinking to myself "why would any gal want to subject herself to a vulnerable position?" ... sigh,..
on the bright side, well at least women can choose to be dependent on men without incurring gossip. she can also choose to be independent. as for wives with more accomplished careers than husbands, the guy gets the heat. -
hmm..generally i dun oppose gals who wanna marry a richer guy..but unless she's earning quite a lot already..more of compatability here..wat i dispise most is those who earn little n wan to marry a rich guy..........Originally posted by KittynMeow:the couple of gal frens that tell me that really mean it lor... and till this day one of them still looking for suitable guy... she got some ex-bfs who were really decent good guys but in the end din work out cos she thinks they dun earn enough to support her... stoopid...
y study so hard?? cos family got money and wants daughter to be degree holder lor...
n worst still, ur galfrens with degree should make full use of it..unless she wanna quit to have babies den different issue here.. -
we maybe financially independant.. but can we live without each other? no man is an island..
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hey that's back to the male ego thingy isn't it ...Originally posted by Inzaghi:i think gals will think tat way...but guys dun feel shiok to spend gals $$.........
Most girls dun go, "hey I'm not willing to buy/pay for this and that, you have to pay !".... usually it's the guys who go, "here i will pay for it you keep your money", even though the girl offers..... After sometime it just becomes the norm and the girl just dun borther to offer anymore.... it has became a "practise" in the relationship instead.
Bottom line, certain things in the relationship should be "trained" early in the relationship. I guess as long as both are happy about how they manage their issues, it should be fine... so no pointing fingers in the future.... hmm... are we getting a bit out of topic here ??? -
no one needs to be an island... just think that whether guys or gals, we should be accountable for ourselves... and in that sense, gals shld try to earn our own keep instead of thinking or depending on spending our guy's money....Originally posted by sillyme:we maybe financially independant.. but can we live without each other? no man is an island.. -
hmmm..might be male ego or maybe we're trained to be gentleman n provide for the gal etc...generally, guys wont mind paying for their gals cos they love them mah n its part n parcel of r/s...but gals shouldnt take tat for granted..sometime must buy gifts back to please the guys mah..n hor, better is go shopping with galfrens, den she spend her own $$ mah..Originally posted by springtime:hey that's back to the male ego thingy isn't it ... Most girls dun go, "hey I'm not willing to buy/pay for this and that, you have to pay !".... usually it's the guys who go, "here i will pay for it you keep your money", even though the girl offers..... After sometime it just becomes the norm and the girl just dun borther to offer anymore.... it has became a "practise" in the relationship instead.
Bottom line, certain things in the relationship should be "trained" early in the relationship. I guess as long as both happy is happy about how they manage their issues, it should be fine... so no pointing fingers in the future.... hmm... are we getting a bit out of topic here ??? -
if one's partner is a trustworthy person.. who stands on faithfulness.. who sees the importance of marriage.. the sanctity of marriage.. then there's little need to not be able to depend on him/her..Originally posted by KittynMeow:no one needs to be an island... just think that whether guys or gals, we should be accountable for ourselves... and in that sense, gals shld try to earn our own keep instead of thinking or depending on spending our guy's money....
so i say it's more important to choose your life partner properly.. and keep the marriage a healthy one.. the focus should be on maintaining the bond within the family... -
think there are just some girls that wanna depend on man and some that are the modern women sort .... sometimes it's parental influences sinced young .....Originally posted by KittynMeow:no one needs to be an island... just think that whether guys or gals, we should be accountable for ourselves... and in that sense, gals shld try to earn our own keep instead of thinking or depending on spending our guy's money....
degree or not is another issue.... it's just how they plan to live their life... especially rich spolit brats whom are not able to face/survive in the real society coz they had been very sheltered by their parents all the while .... but then again ... guys always have the choice of not choosing them... if your GF is one of such girls, then tough luck lor ....
Nevertheless, i do know of guys who feels intimidated when their girls get too independent. For eg, guy dip holder, girl degree holder and perhaps pursuing masters soon type. -
being financially independent doesn't mean not focusing on maintaining the bond within the family.... after all, in today's society, having a double income is an assurance and buffer against rising cost of living... and if the gal can earn her own keep (meaning she pays for her own shopping, facials, entertainment etc), it removes a potential cause for conflict i.e. money issues.Originally posted by sillyme:if one's partner is a trustworthy person.. who stands on faithfulness.. who sees the importance of marriage.. the sanctity of marriage.. then there's little need to not be able to depend on him/her..
so i say it's more important to choose your life partner properly.. and keep the marriage a healthy one.. the focus should be on maintaining the bond within the family...
Just that some gals don't see it that way and it adds pressure to their partners.... -
heheh.... sounds familiar.... similar scenario that caused the relationship between me and my ex to break... hehe...Originally posted by springtime:Nevertheless, i do know of guys who feels intimated when their girls get too independent. For eg, guy dip holder, girl degree holder and perhaps pursuing masters soon type. -
hmm..i think its still ok if guy is dip n gal is degree..anything much further might be a cause for concern.......Originally posted by KittynMeow:heheh.... sounds familiar.... similar scenario that caused the relationship between me and my ex to break... hehe...
but most impt is the gal must not try to dominate the r/s cos she supposed to be better....wat those so called smart gals are lacking is EQ.. -
the danger is that if one sees the the 'importance' of being financially independant.. then he/she will at time place priority on career instead family.. and it may become a nagging thought.. indepedance is a dangerous thought..Originally posted by KittynMeow:being financially independent doesn't mean not focusing on maintaining the bond within the family.... after all, in today's society, having a double income is an assurance and buffer against rising cost of living... and if the gal can earn her own keep (meaning she pays for her own shopping, facials, entertainment etc), it removes a potential cause for conflict i.e. money issues.
Just that some gals don't see it that way and it adds pressure to their partners....
though it's good to be prepared for the storm.. i'd say the way to tackle to storm is to make sure the foundation of a home is firm.. not being able to pickup the pieces and move on.. -
heh... true... there is a need for prioritising what is more important.... basically what I am against is the way some gals (definitely not all) EXPECT to depend on and spend their partner's money for their selfish reasons and these reasons are not constructive nor conducive for the relationship....Originally posted by sillyme:the danger is that if one sees the the 'importance' of being financially independant.. then he/she will at time place priority on career instead family.. and it may become a nagging thought.. indepedance is a dangerous thought..
though it's good to be prepared for the storm.. i'd say the way to tackle to storm is to make sure the foundation of a home is firm.. not being able to pickup the pieces and move on..
I see a gal being able to earn for her own expenditure a complement to her partner in the relationship... not competition where work takes priority over relationship or family. At the same time, being "kiasu Singaporean" (yes I admit)... having some buffer $$ is always a good reassurance...in case anything happens.... -
hmm... thought in every relationship there is always a taker and a giver ... no perfect equal give and take relationship around rite ?? So depend on which role you want to be in ... the giver or the taker ... giver and taker as in the submissive and domineering characters of the parties in a relationship, no monetary issues involved here.... it's how much both parties are willing to give and take that makes the relationship works.Originally posted by Inzaghi:hmm..i think its still ok if guy is dip n gal is degree..anything much further might be a cause for concern.......
but most impt is the gal must not try to dominate the r/s cos she supposed to be better....wat those so called smart gals are lacking is EQ..
doesn't mean a girl who had attained a masters degree will think that she is much better and capable then the BF just because he is dip, Think most of the time it's the guy's ego that cannot accept it and not the girl trying to be dominating.... However, it's also just human that such girls may exist like such guys may exist too.... think someone posted something like that in the forum recently right? The guy ask for a break up just coz he thinks she cannot meet up with him interms of educational level?? -
i agree.... and sometimes the guy may put so much stress on himself in trying to catch up with the gal that the relationship suffers.... is this a result of society conditioning of traditional gender roles??Originally posted by springtime:doesn't mean a girl who had attained a masters degree will think that she is much better and capable then the BF just because he is dip, Think most of the time it's the guy's ego that cannot accept it and not the girl trying to be dominating.... -
my sentiments exact....Originally posted by KittynMeow:being financially independent doesn't mean not focusing on maintaining the bond within the family.... after all, in today's society, having a double income is an assurance and buffer against rising cost of living... and if the gal can earn her own keep (meaning she pays for her own shopping, facials, entertainment etc), it removes a potential cause for conflict i.e. money issues.
Just that some gals don't see it that way and it adds pressure to their partners....
To everyone else: the key word here is "SOME"..... so dun say all girls are like that just coz SOME are like that .... -
did i say All?? kekeke.... I wun say all gals are like that cos I know I'm not like that and I'm a female feline... kekekekeOriginally posted by springtime:my sentiments exact.... and the key word here is "SOME"..... so dun say all girls are like that just coz SOME are like that .... -
Nope you didn't say all ... just emphasis the word "some".... to others around .... hehehe..... you and I are pretty much singing the same tune ....Originally posted by KittynMeow:did i say All?? kekeke.... I wun say all gals are like that cos I know I'm not like that and I'm a female feline... kekekeke
ps: I just edited the reply .... -
After reading all the replies, I feel that I have something to comment:
Gals behave in this ways due to some reasons listed below:
1. Because in order to show to her friends that she can know a rich guy as gals are materialistic by nature(some)
2. Due to our realistic society (main reasons) where all people are given equal chances to receive equal educations and as a result, people will become more selfish, self-centred, uncaring and only know what is good for them etc.......a sad scene but this is what we are living in now!
3. Some gals are very "shallow" in their view...maybe due to their low education that they cannot see things FAR......no visions in short. They think that if a guy has no car, in future, this person will never make it..Some people still think this way.
4. Paper qualifications....Having a degree is like god in Singapore but let me tell U, a degree DOES NOT GUARANTEED anything nowsaday...U will still be retrenched, get low pay (like Diploma holde's pay but U are a graduate) etc.......A degree helps to bring U to a greater starting point but how U progress is up to U.....Sad to mention this: some people still used "Have a degree or not" as a gauge to whether to mingle with another person or not.... a sad fact
..Society status I mean......
Anything else to comments? -
i think it works both way also lar...one cannot always be a giver or taker..if not the r/s sure to break one day...Originally posted by springtime:hmm... thought in every relationship there is always a taker and a giver ... no perfect equal give and take relationship around rite ?? So depend on which role you want to be in ... the giver or the taker ... giver and taker as in the submissive and domineering characters of the parties in a relationship, no monetary issues involved here.... it's how much both parties are willing to give and take that makes the relationship works.
doesn't mean a girl who had attained a masters degree will think that she is much better and capable then the BF just because he is dip, Think most of the time it's the guy's ego that cannot accept it and not the girl trying to be dominating.... However, it's also just human that such girls may exist like such guys may exist too.... think someone posted something like that in the forum recently right? The guy ask for a break up just coz he thinks she cannot meet up with him interms of educational level??
hmm..here i guess apart from male ego, gals also not tat willing to accept downwards lar.. -
one comment on your "conclusions"....Originally posted by bus:After reading all the replies, I feel that I have something to comment:
Gals behave in this ways due to some reasons listed below:
1. Because in order to show to her friends that she can know a rich guy as gals are materialistic by nature(some)
2. Due to our realistic society (main reasons) where all people are given equal chances to receive equal educations and as a result, people will become more selfish, self-centred, uncaring and only know what is good for them etc.......a sad scene but this is what we are living in now!
3. Some gals are very "shallow" in their view...maybe due to their low education that they cannot see things FAR......no visions in short. They think that if a guy has no car, in future, this person will never make it..Some people still think this way.
4. Paper qualifications....Having a degree is like god in Singapore but let me tell U, a degree DOES NOT GUARANTEED anything nowsaday...U will still be retrenched, get low pay (like Diploma holde's pay but U are a graduate) etc.......A degree helps to bring U to a greater starting point but how U progress is up to U.....Sad to mention this: some people still used "Have a degree or not" as a gauge to whether to mingle with another person or not.... a sad fact
..Society status I mean......
Anything else to comments?
You have swept everyone off the ship with one oar... hahaha -
I believe most of the forumer here are either still schooling or have yet to work in the society.....Well, if my guess is correct then I should say U might not understand what I am trying to convey but if majority of U here are currently working in the society for many years then U will understand my message here.Originally posted by KittynMeow:one comment on your "conclusions"....
You have swept everyone off the ship with one oar... hahaha
When a gal wanted to go steady with a guy, she will look for
1. what the guy can provide her e.g Does he have a stable job, educational level of the guy, Income Amt etc...
Someone mentioned that the gal he knew at the Trade Fair is looking for a guy who had a car! Well, some gals still have this type of mentality......Some choose to remain single if they cannot find someone that fit her bill as she will lower down her expectations....
Apart from this, I forget to mention. More and more people are single nowsaday due to many many reasons and some do so due to "unrealistic expectation".....meaning what they expect 10 years ago, he/she still expects to find someone who can behave/react etc..to what he/she wants, likes etc...........
I personally met a gal who is older than me thru friend introduction...guess what...
During the 1st meeting, she told me : "there is no true love in this world"!
During the 2nd meeting, she told me about her past relationships with her EXs....
During the 3rd meeting, she told me how her ex will react and sound like expecting me to do the same!!!
Thru informal telephone chatting, she told me she used to tell her single friends that "Guys' promises cannot be trusted"!!!!!
I did sound to her my liking for her but after many many waiting, she hinted to me the 2 can only be friend...well, she also hinted to many guys before me that they can only be friends etc etc...
I have a heart to heart talk with her and tell her straight that the REAL problem is not with the guy, the REAL problems are with U!!!
1. U cannot commit yourself to a new relationship because of fear that the guy will hurt U again
2. Stop living in the past as U will get to NOWHERE......
After the heart to heart talk, we NEVER contact again...she is like disappear into thin air..Well, I must wake up this person even at the expense of losing her as ONLY her can help herself..Well, all the best to her and if she can get over her past(I don;t think she will), she might still be able to find her happiness, if she cannot then too late for her. -
Everyone of us has a criteria in mind when we are choosing our life-long partner. Some of us may be going for the inner character, while some others are going for the material benefits.
It is only fair for both guys and girls to go for what they want. In this case, the girl has chosen to go for a guy who can provide her with a comfortable life.
No doubt she's realistic, but it is still her choice in the end.