by Mamak CockThe Gahmen announced today a $200million plan to restructure the architecture of the Esplanade, as conservatives argued that it creates a skyline that encourages oral sex, which is currently a criminal offence under Singapore law.
Mr Boh Lan Chiao, a consultant with the Public Works Department, explained: "We have received many complaints that the Esplanade does not resemble two durians, but rather a pair of prickly testicles. And when viewed from a particular angle, the Victoria War Memorial seen together with the twin domes, looks like a set of male genitals. So there is some merit in the suggestion that it results in a skyline that might promote oral sex.”
Mr. Boh said that the Singapore Restructuring Committee has been tasked with restructuring the skyline of the Esplanade into something more acceptable.
Unnamed sources have informed TalkingCock that the Theatres are likely to be turned from domes into squares, as it better represents Singaporeans, especially Gahmen scholars.
Mr Speculasamy, a taxi driver, dismissed the reasons and claimed that the real reason why the Gahmen wants to reshape the Esplanade is because it actually resembles the Opposition.
When pressed for an explanation of his hypothesis, Mr. Speculasamy explained, "You see, the domes are two big balls. Who else has such big balls in Singapore? Only the Opposition, what! Even defamation suit also not scared. So Gahmen doesn’t want to encourage people to have big balls ahead of the coronation, sorry, sorry, election of the new Prime Minister.”
Meanwhile, Mr. Mohammad Bola bin Gatal, a despatch rider, opined that perhaps the giant ferris wheel that was supposed to be built at Marina Park marina can be constructed between the two durians. He explained that this could help satisfy those who feel deprived by the oral sex ban, by giving them the same level of thrills as they ride on the ferris wheel.