This story is composed by me, plz support support me......
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Thank You very much chanff8.... finally a mature answer....!Originally posted by chanff8:Seeing the above posts, I have to say this. If you really want comments, you must be able to accept not only positive, but also negative comments as well. Making mistakes and recognising them is the way to improve.
Even though your story's target audience is Singaporeans, it doesn't mean you have to type it in a Singlish way. Note that Singlish sounds nicer being speech than being text. As the previous poster have said, your grammer has to improve and cut down on dialogues. A good story contains minimal dialogues and uses more vocabulary to describe actions, emoticons, thoughts etc.
May I ask how old are you?
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Originally posted by Chin Eng:
So what if I did? Would you believe it's written by my son? In all honesty, what age do you think Cheese cake is when you read the story? A primary school kid? [b]Well if Cheesy is Primary 1, I'd say the story is darn good. But if she's in secondary school or beyond, I'd say she better work really hard on her composition.
I did revised her intro by pointing out where the story has gone wrong. I could have done the whole nine yards but I am not that free. Obviously she (as well as your kind self) is totally free to disagree with my amendments.
The issue about giving feedback: feedback was asked, and I gave, the story sucked big time and I said why. Can you point out to me why you disagreed with my assessment, other than the fact that you are happy with what I'd written.
At least I am able to say exactly where the story has gone wrong. If you wish for me to refresh your memory:
Introduction of the HK element - this may or may not be important to the story because I did not go beyond chapter 1. But by introducing the HK element and not following it up as the story has Singapore elements (ie Singlish, Primary school) the background is already flawed. Poor grammar, be it the tenses, past and present, and poor sentence structure. Poor layout: some inverted commas are missing, leading a reader not to know where a conversation started or ended.
I need to emphasize that all readers are asked to critique the piece of work. It is unfortunate that my assessment of it is less than what some of you think. If a reader does not want her worked to be critiqued, please refrain from making such an invitation.[/b]
eh sai eh sai -
kam sia, kam sia.....
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Seems like you're writing a script. Perhaps you were thinking of directing a drama rather than penning down a plot in a novel?
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can la but u say the love story at hk y call 999 i tot hk de ambulance other number de
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where chapter 3??
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not bad la but try more intreasting a bit touch up on the story line too boring le that story line
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first of all he's quite right and u shouldn't start a big sh!t abt it.Originally posted by shitface_theguy:WFT man .... wassup with the attitude .....
ppl take time to write the story ..... give people some nicer comments lar....
got to be an ASSH*** and blow the person off lk tat.....
lets see u post ur story then!!!!......
secondly she took some effort to write it but then i jus ahve to say that singlish really pissed readers off.
THird, correct all the grammar mistakes and it helps, alot. -
oh ya, cheese.
as your friend i have to comment that if u write it on english and it really helps alot.
anyway good effort gal!
Ya keep it up.. -
A little less conversation, a little more action -
sorry. i am a simple person, i dunnoe how to twist and turn.
cmi -
f*ckin chee-na... When the f*ck do HK-ers use Singlish? Go brush up your English before writing a much-improved one. I commented because i could see there is room for improvement. I hate those teeny-boppers' 'English'. For eg: eUu, lUrbbE, and stuff like that. Be it multiple letters in a word, or 'big-small lettered words', just as long as they're not of standard english. Poor thing. i pity such chee-na people.