WORLD CUP'S GOT HARDER - Players offered Viagra to stiffen..

• zocoss

  6 Dec 09, 14:37

  WORLD CUP'S GOT HARDER

  England players offered Viagra to stiffen their performance in South Africa

   

   

  

   

   

   

  COME on you blues! The England football team will be offerd VIAGRA for next year's World Cup games in South Afrrica.

  Scientists claim the blue pills will enhance the performance of Fabio Capello's men - on the pitch.

  So England will be up for the cup with Viagra on their side to raise their game and help them beat the effects of playing at altitude. 

  For we can reveal that our World Cup 2010 football squad may well be popping the blue pills in next summer's Finals to help improve lung capacity - making them pretty stiff opposition. 

  Just imagine it... nil - nil against the Germans in the final with seconds to go . . . 

  It could just be enough to keep Goldenballs himself on top of his game and put us one up in the dying moments.

   

  Swallow

   

  Hard to swallow? Well, manager Fabio Capello is considering dishing out Viagra before every match after research by scientists PROVED the drug could help players perform better.

  And before any WAGs start swinging their Prada handbags in our direction - the prescription is no reflection on their fellas' prowess OFF the pitch. 

  Fact is, the England team plan to have their training camp based in Rustenburg, South Africa, which is 4,921ft above sea level. 

  And experts reckon Viagra can help the lads combat altitude, which affected our 1970 World Cup flops in Mexico. Sports scientist Richard Pullen has been commissioned by the FA to come up with special training techniques to help beat this altitude issue. 

  He said: "I'll point out to the England squad the potential benefits of using Viagra for games played at altitude. 

  "It's scientifically proven that the process of how Viagra works in the body, by enlarging the blood vessels, can improve performance of some athletes. 

  "Also known as sildenafil, it's been used by football teams in South America and some cyclists because it's not a banned substance. 

  "I'm sure several countries at the World Cup will consider using Viagra." 

  But Pullen warned: "There can be some side effects which might adversely effect performance, such as blurred vision, headaches or flushed faces." 

  Apart from the obvious potential problem in the players' shorts, another side effect of Viagra is a blue tinge to the eye. 

  England's chief physio Gary Lewin will analyse the pros and cons of using Viagra before making a recommendation to Capello, who has the final say. 

  It would then be up to players if they wanted to use Viagra. 

  The big question is, can the fellas reach the semis without it?

• brokenluv

  6 Dec 09, 16:06

  So we will see 11 players with hardons on the pitch.

• Poignant

  6 Dec 09, 16:35

  huh?

  gerrard left barry center?

  switch lar

• 4sg

  6 Dec 09, 16:51

  So will they knock into each other backsides and start humping hard? 

• MaNyZeR

  6 Dec 09, 18:44

  My line up would be:

  Rooney as the main striker with Gerrard playing behind him.

  Lampard as the central midfield playermaker with Walcott on his right and Joe cole on his left as the RM and LM respectively. Owen Hargreaves will occupy the holding midfield role.

  Defence would be Cole, Terry, Ferdinand and Johnson.

  Robert Green as the GK.

• trendz

  6 Dec 09, 19:34

  I would prefer

   

  rooney with heskey as heskey will bring out the best in rooney by being played off.

  joe cole left, gerrard and hargreaves (CM and DM respectively) centre, walcott/lennon right.

  ashley cole, terry and rio, micah richards/johnson

  green