Investing in marriage pays rich dividends
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Channel NewsAsia - Monday, March 24
Investing in marriage pays rich dividends
Is marriage a ticket to happiness or an investment opportunity?
For marriage counsellors Chan Hon Shek and Chan—Lai Fung Ling, it is the latter.
The business of marriage requires plenty of time, love and conflict resolution skills before it can pay off in terms of happiness and bliss, they say.
"Many people take courses to upgrade their skills in their careers but very few take courses to better their love relationships," said Mr Chan, 55, who, together with his wife, have been marriage counsellors with Touch Family Services for 15 years.
To improve the quality of marriages here and arrest the rising divorce rate which hit a record 7,061 cases in 2006 the National Family Council has organised the third annual "We Are Married!" campaign, which runs until Sunday. The highlight is the Marriage Convention at Suntec Convention Centre on March 29 and 30.
The Chans, who have been married for 25 years, will be conducting two sessions in Mandarin at the convention.
While counselling others makes them more vigilant of how they communicate with each other, they admit sometimes "(losing) control like any other normal couple". The important difference is never to mention divorce in the heat of anger and to apologise to each other afterwards.
"We always remind ourselves not to make the common mistakes that unhappy couples face," said Ms Chan—Lai, 49.
Interestingly, almost all the 20—odd cases they see each month are couples struggling with children who are rebellious or who lack interest in their studies.
The problem usually stems from cracks in the couple’s own relationship, which may be caused by extra—marital affairs, a lack of sexual intimacy, problems with in—laws or other issues. The Chans would focus on ironing these out, after which "their children’s problems would usually be resolved as well".
Another husband—and—wife team said they have learnt, after almost 26 years together, to fight fairly. For Mr Patrick Chew and his wife Hazel, this means handling the issue at hand, instead of "reacting against each other".
The Chews, who met at a Port Dickson church retreat in 1978, said they are no different from other couples. "We are neither saints or angels. As human beings, we are selfish by nature," said Mr Chew, 48. "But perhaps we have aged and over 25 years of ’fighting’, learned not to take offence easily."
Besides conducting marriage preparation courses for Touch Family Services, they also counsel about three couples each month.
Apart from helping others, they have also learnt from others’ problems. For instance, counselling couples on the verge of divorce has made them more sensitive to each other’s emotional needs. And meeting partners who are disrespectful of each other reminds Ms Chew, 50, "not to speak rudely to Patrick".
Best of all, there are the happy endings. One couple had gone to see the Chews when they had all but given up on a troubled marriage, in which one partner had had an affair. The Chews helped them work out their issues, helped them to "forgive and receive forgiveness from each other". That marriage is now back on track, and the couple is expecting their second child, said Mr Chew with pride.
The Touch Family Festival on tomorrow and Wednesday consists of a series of lunchtime talks on strengthening marriages. Mr Patrick Chew will be speaking at ABN Amro’s Li Bai Room on level 22 of One Raffles Quay tomorrow at 12.20pm. The talks are open to the public. No registration is required and seats are filled on a first—come—first—served basis. Those interested should call 6317 9988. — TODAY/ra
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hmmm... the title sounds like propaganda by the govt in an attempt to raise the birth rate... they only tell you the happy cases...
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I want to get married with fatumnette and have lots of little fatums ...
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Originally posted by Fatum:
I want to get married with fatumnette and have lots of little fatums ...
That's going to put a severe strain on your finances, though...
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Originally posted by eagle:
hmmm... the title sounds like propaganda by the govt in an attempt to raise the birth rate... they only tell you the happy cases...
the usual lo... -
Originally posted by Fatum:
I want to get married with fatumnette and have lots of little fatums ...
again, i reserve the right to laugh hysterically at you when you have like 5 minutes of sleep in weeks and don't just have bags under your eyes, your nose has a saddle...