Originally posted by xking:
How much more time do i need
How much more further
Wat else do i seek
Wat kind of an answer
As i'm laying down to sleep
A thought came upon me
Was it me that i'm dealing with
or just plain uncertainty
One day when it's half way there
On a one way trip
Maybe it's me i found again
Its me and the road i lead.
I move further, deeper still
until i lost my way
if i can't found the right door to you
Nothing gonna makes me stay
And so i'm moving on
No time there is to waste
Each step i took is a long way home
But soon i'll find my way
And i'll walk right through the day.
To see my home again.
Okay, my personal opinions
![Smile Smile](/images/emoticons/classic/icon_smile.gif)
I'm not very sure about the meaning highlighted in red..
You need to refine the tenses of your lines.Though the way you write is reminiscient of poetry that is written on a spur of the moment.Sometimes, this will add to the background of the author and the protagonist insde the poem.
But I love the words you chose, they are easy to visualise
![Smile Smile](/images/emoticons/classic/icon_smile.gif)
Keep on trying !