I cannot argue with my Dad
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I had a previous topic but its on changing career but this only slightly related. Problem is every time I argue with my dad, no matter what argument, if nothing goes his way, will only end up in 1 of 3 scenarios. 1) My dad bang his own head, with fists or wall 2) My dad kept saying I want to die or I should have died 3) My dad says I want to leave this house forever or I want to sell this house and the argument never move forward from there. Every time its the same thing. I don't know what to do. Everytime I counter something which he cannot rebut or when I believe I am gaining progress with the arguement, he will do either 1, 2 or 3. And I tried confronting him about him doing either 1, 2 or 3, guess what, he will do either 1, 2 or 3. It like when he cannot argue any further he cannot admit he is wrong he just want the arguement to stop and make sure that nothing changes. How do you argue with someone like this. The arguements are usually big decission on how to spend a large portion of money, me changing career stuff like that.
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Did you ever put yourself in your father's shoe and tell yourself what will you do if you in the reverse.
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just dun argue with him.
Leave the house. forever. get a house of your own.
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Originally posted by MikeOscar:
I had a previous topic but its on changing career but this only slightly related.
Problem is every time I argue with my dad, no matter what argument, if nothing goes his way, will only end up in 1 of 3 scenarios.
1) My dad bang his own head, with fists or wall
2) My dad kept saying I want to die or I should have died
3) My dad says I want to leave this house forever or I want to sell this house
and the argument never move forward from there.
Every time its the same thing. I don’t know what to do. Everytime I counter something which he cannot rebut or when I believe I am gaining progress with the arguement, he will do either 1, 2 or 3.
And I tried confronting him about him doing either 1, 2 or 3, guess what, he will do either 1, 2 or 3. It like when he cannot argue any further he cannot admit he is wrong he just want the arguement to stop and make sure that nothing changes.
How do you argue with someone like this.
The arguements are usually big decission on how to spend a large portion of money, me changing career stuff like that.
You arguing about spending your money or your father's money ?
Can you be more specific ?
What do you want to get out of "winning" that argument ?
What is it you want your father to do ? Concede to your demand ?
I don't see what you need to argue about when it comes to changing your career.. you decide and you do.. nothing to do with your father.
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Specificity, my father is broke... spent a lot of money on "shares" which I dont know of when I was 12... now still for about 15K house debt (nothing else). Then now he got a nerve problem on his right arm and cannot use his right arm properly, (cannot write well and not strong but can definately still use it). Now I believe he is worried about clearing the 15K house debt but he dont know how to and relying on me alone to pay for it. Im currently working in a security line at 23 years old and everyone know security give good starting pay but is definately a dead end job. Im worried that if I dont leave, Ill end up forever in security line. But every time I try to point out that my future is more important than 15K, which in a few years confirm can pay, he goes into a fit that I must stay in this job that is so secured. And if the I point out that this line is a dead end job and I want to leave, . Im hoping that I can quit this stupid security job, take like 1 or 2 months off and look for a part time job while I look for a job that fits my Diploma in Supply Chain Management. Then he keep saying that finding a job is hard and I confirm cannot find one so fast... (yeah... real good faith on his son). BTW, now I accumulated a liquid saving of 16K which I prepared can tahan for about 8 to 12 months. But the major problem is that I cannot get him to stop doing scenario 1, 2 or 3 to listen my view. Almost like a child like that.
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punch his face once and for all.
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I think you better settle the housing loan. If bank sell the house, you will lose far more than $15K and both end up on streets.
Live your own life. If cannot tahan, rent a room. Let him live there, next time you inherit the place.
Lastly, if you wanna study, go and see your MP about bursary.
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He thinks that you're living in your lalaland. I think that it's only your side of the story.
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your father has done his great part in raising you to be a great debater....
but not really a good conversationalist ...that is distinctly different from a debater which is not much of use in the world of public or human relations ...
change the way u converse with your dad...and be a good son
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Is your father still working ? What is your household combine income ?
To be honest, you need to be more financially savvy. The problem I see here.. is you are not.
Your father has paid off MOST of the house debt.. it is really moronic for you to lose the house over 15K debt.
Since you have 16k, you should pay off the loan and live DEBT FREE. Or at least save it for the mortage payment until you clear it entirely....
Look for a job while you are still employed. In our current market situation.. most company prefer to hire someone who still has a job.. not someone who is unemployed.. the longer you are unemployed the less desirable you are to a company.
You are a diploma holder in Supply chain.. but do you have the relevant experience in this field ? IF not.. you will be starting at the bottom.. that means you are a entry level worker.. your pay will not be very high.. and when comes to the crunch.. you will be the first to lay off.
Supply chain jobs are not recession proof.. think about all these market factors.
Your current dead end job pays well.. you are 23.. don't throw it all away for something you arn't even sure of.
The supply chain industry will always be there as long as the retail, manufacturing industry exist. Your supply chain diploma is not gonna run away either....
Use the security of your dead end job.. to achieve something better.. bigger and more sustainable.. perhaps a degree ? or save the income to start your own business...
Before you take the leap of chance..make sure there is something solid out there for you to land on.. else you're just gonna be another one that bites the dust- another homeless idiot.
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I assume your father is jobless now, staying at home worrying about $15k debts right?
And you presently working in security line and is 23yr old right?
Right now, what you need to do is calculate how much you need to pay the debt monthly. To whom? Bank? Loan Shark? How much per month?
With this information on hand, you will roughly know how much you left after deducting from your salary.
If you want to change job, hold on to your present job and look for your ideal job with salary increase. I think for this, you dont need to tell your father as you are the one who is working.
By the way, do you have any siblings or mother?
Can you siblings chip in to help?
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Originally posted by MikeOscar:
I had a previous topic but its on changing career but this only slightly related.
Problem is every time I argue with my dad, no matter what argument, if nothing goes his way, will only end up in 1 of 3 scenarios.
1) My dad bang his own head, with fists or wall
2) My dad kept saying I want to die or I should have died
3) My dad says I want to leave this house forever or I want to sell this house
and the argument never move forward from there.
Every time its the same thing. I don’t know what to do. Everytime I counter something which he cannot rebut or when I believe I am gaining progress with the arguement, he will do either 1, 2 or 3.
And I tried confronting him about him doing either 1, 2 or 3, guess what, he will do either 1, 2 or 3. It like when he cannot argue any further he cannot admit he is wrong he just want the arguement to stop and make sure that nothing changes.
How do you argue with someone like this.
The arguements are usually big decission on how to spend a large portion of money, me changing career stuff like that.
I believe you need to thread carefully because the actions of 1, 2, 3, which are shown by your father signifies extreme stress.
Please try to be more delicate in your dealings with him.
I believe you as someone who is suffering from less stress comparatively, should show more magnanimity and try to act wisely.
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perhaps his biggest worry is the 15k debt.
stay in ur current job, tahan until the debt is cleared first?
u wont wan to go exploring when u know there's something behind u that might jus come up and bite u in the butt at any moment.
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If you have the intention to change a job. Please make sure you are accepted by the company before you quit the security job. How much can a part time job pay you for that 1-2 months? maximum $7 an hour? or slightly more without CPF? Junior Position (Diploma holders) Salary ranging from 1.5k to 2.2k depending on the jobscope. they can pay you 2.2k but make you work till 12am. are you sure you gonna like it?
Assume your dad is not working** who is going to pay for the electricity and utilities bill? Phone bill? Housing loan? Girlfriend's expenses? how about insurance? did your dad or you purchase any? What if your dad's arm condition worsen and requires regular consultation or even surgery? Now that your dad is showing sign of mental imbalance, god knows if he requires medical treatment for that as well? You should not think about having ENOUGH to survive through. You should look at the bigger picture and decide what is best for the both of you instead of thinking about your own future only.
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Security Job not bad lah, the other day, I attended a Gala Dinner at MBS, thief security guards told me his paid was 10k, and also wear very nice coat and tie, very commanding, only 30 yo. Studied Diploma in Security in ste, send and sponby M
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I think better put your father in IMH, but depending on your household per capital income, IMH may charge him staying there at the rate of Fullerton Hotel, however, he will be wll taken care of, and certainly, his maddness will reduce.
On the other hand, ask your Dad to visit my pub, he will be smoothen and go back kiss you
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I told him already, Security job got prospect, with his qualification very easy to rise to Supervisor, then to Chief, then to executive level. But he think it is a dead end job, he thinks Security is like jaga, just sit down and try the level best not to fall asleep.
He must see the prospect and then strive for it. It won't come to him.
He want to do supply chain or something. Up to him.
Hope he don't argue with his father, must have respect for elders, and speak his points diplomatically.
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Originally posted by MikeOscar:
I had a previous topic but its on changing career but this only slightly related.
Problem is every time I argue with my dad, no matter what argument, if nothing goes his way, will only end up in 1 of 3 scenarios.
1) My dad bang his own head, with fists or wall
2) My dad kept saying I want to die or I should have died
3) My dad says I want to leave this house forever or I want to sell this house
and the argument never move forward from there.
Every time its the same thing. I don’t know what to do. Everytime I counter something which he cannot rebut or when I believe I am gaining progress with the arguement, he will do either 1, 2 or 3.
And I tried confronting him about him doing either 1, 2 or 3, guess what, he will do either 1, 2 or 3. It like when he cannot argue any further he cannot admit he is wrong he just want the arguement to stop and make sure that nothing changes.
How do you argue with someone like this.
The arguements are usually big decission on how to spend a large portion of money, me changing career stuff like that.
Really need to see psychiatrist. Please bring ur dad to see a shrink.
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or a tan kee also can...if not, ask him to find an Angel, all problem solved
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Bring him see Dr Ang Yong Guan at paragon.
He's a good and famous psychiatrist.
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Not now, since he failed to win, he got more pyschic problem than his father...siao liao
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Ang Yong Guan very professional one. Dont worry. He only ki siao during the election rally. Other than that! he is awesome!
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ya, but his rallies were damn funny...hahaha..I dun mind vote for him, he could had bring a new way of living for singaporeans. Too bad. He also knew that his business may go down 30%, so not bad to go and see him, he may give discount.
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first you should try to see things from his perspective. is it possible that you are in denial? or does he really have a problem ( e.g. anger management issues etc...)?
if there's a slight possibility that you're simply not understanding of him then....you know what to do:)
if he does have issues, perhaps he needs counseling etc. naturally, he wouldn't want to but could you persuade him/ talk to him abt it? :o
you could start a light conversation with him one day, perhaps on a special day (e.g. his birthday/ fathers day...?), and begin by thanking him for his efforts in raising you, tell him you appreciate him etc, then perhaps you could raise the topic of his anger management problems ( or whatever problem you think he has ), and tell him that it is because you love him that you want to help him..
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Originally posted by angel7030:
ya, but his rallies were damn funny...hahaha..I dun mind vote for him, he could had bring a new way of living for singaporeans. Too bad. He also knew that his business may go down 30%, so not bad to go and see him, he may give discount.
He is a good doctor and good rally speaker. Jia you Dr Ang.